Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
