we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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