Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
