Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
