Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize