I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
