At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
