nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
