My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
