I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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