Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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