:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
