They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
did you just send me my own nude
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
