I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
