My cat gives me a boner
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
