dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize