I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
