I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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