tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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