I wish I could punch you in the face.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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