Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
