Im at strip club and am horny
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
