He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
