help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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