FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
