I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
