did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
