i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
