I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
