Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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