are you so shy because you have an std?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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