So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have aggressive nipples.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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