Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
