Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
