My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
