if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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