Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
