it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
