i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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