Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
