similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
