I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
