Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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