Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just high enough for therapy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
