I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
