A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
