i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize