I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
