When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
