Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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