I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
