I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
