we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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