She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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