Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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