Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
