I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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