We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
