You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She even gives head with a lisp.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
