threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
