Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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