goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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