Fuck appropriateness.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
