she smelled like a LAN party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
