I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
