I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
