your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
