oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
