that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Randomize
