The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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