I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
where are my eyebrows?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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