So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
