He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
accomplished twins. life is a go
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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