That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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