remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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