I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
