when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
