There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
