I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so much tequila, so little girl.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
