you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She bit a glass in half.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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