I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
