Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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