Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think my moral compass just broke
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
