Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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