i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize