We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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