Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize