Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
