cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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