Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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