his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
