So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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