3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
