He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
