i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
