what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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