and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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