Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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