dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
