Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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