oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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