allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
