Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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