Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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