She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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