Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
