I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
